Saturday, September 1, 2012

3 weeks off...

And then I got snapped back to reality. recently had an open competition where they asked for max 750 word submissions of our top 5 fantasy picks for the upcoming season and one sleeper.

I wrote mine, read it over, and concluded that it was definitely going to be picked and then I'd be nationally read as I (and 9 or 11 other writers) competed in a fantasy football league/writing competition which I would obviously win.

After winning a one year guest writer spot on grantland I would get national recognition, picked up by espn, steal Matthew Berry's job, laugh at him, and then be on easy street.

Having mapped all this out while waiting for grantland to contact me telling me I was one of the writers advancing I was quite surprised when the deadline passed and I was not contacted.

I frantically checked my email but nothing. I checked twitter and saw that they had announced the winners. Odd, grantland had announced the winners and neither my twitter not phone was blowing up.

I checked the article and there they were, 10 names and not one of them mine. I cri...I mean read the article for for the next ten minutes, my mind fluctuating between suicidal thoughts and maniacal laughter while I muttered, "There must be a mistake. They wanted me. THEY NEED ME!"

After I calmed down I decided I would just go back to my loyal blog readers and only they would get to enjoy the writings of extreme fantasy and all things degenerate knowledge.

So without further introduction, here is my masterpiece to kick off the fantasy football draft mania weekend

So i went ahead and did a submission for that Grantland Fantasy Island contest it is

Fantasy Island

I read that is looking for a fantasy football sportswriter. Well I am neither good at fantasy sports nor writing, but from reading most fantasy writers and Grantland articles I figure that makes me a shoe-in.

The assignment: In no more than 750 words, give my top-five fantasy players of the 2012 NFL season and one sleeper for this season.

After reading this I sat on the man throne and thought for about 30 seconds which way I wanted to go with this. Would I write a serious, facts driven article that would give the readers an edge over the competition? Nope. Would I pick the bottom of depth chart guys and try to justify it by talking their teams through ridiculously bad luck scenarios where bench warmers became superstars? Maybe, but then I’d actually have to look at NFL depth charts and do some homework.

Instead I will give the readers exactly what I am going into my drafts with: little to no facts and a whole lot of gamble. Because let’s be honest fantasy football column readers, we aren’t looking for information, and if you are it’s easy enough to find. What we who haven’t won a fantasy league since the Clinton Administration are looking for is an excuse. We are looking for an excuse to why our teams are stuck in mediocrity, clinging to the hope that if we win out, and this team, that team, and the other team lose these games, then we are in the playoffs. And even more importantly we are looking for a person to berate for their horrible predictions in a game that is completely unpredictable and luck based. We are looking for a person to ridicule and wonder, “How did they get their job writing about fantasy sports?!?! I would own them in a league!!!” So before I run out of words, here are my top-five fantasy players and one sleeper for this fantasy football season. Let me have a chance to be that excuse, to be that punching bag…LET ME BE RIDICULED!!!

1) Ray Rice – Mr. Dependable. All he does is put up monster year after monster year as one of a handful of lead backs on a team with a questionable QB, good O-Line, and a coach that doesn’t mind running the ball 20’ish times a game. I’ll take him over Chris “I may run for 2k yards or I may be an absolute bust again” Johnson and the slew of other RB’s who have huge question marks this year.

2) LeSean McCoy – Same as Rice, he just puts up huge numbers every year. If you are in a PPR league, even if you aren’t, these are your top two picks. RB’s still win fantasy football leagues and these are the only two you can count on.

3) Aaron Rodgers – Man, this pains me. Let me explain a bit here. I am not from Wisconsin originally but somehow ended up here in Packers’ country. I have a message for all of you in the Cheese State, “THE PACKERS ARE NOT ALL THERE IS IN THE NFL!!!” OK, having said that, Rodgers is a beast, and the Packers don’t have a running game but do have 500 awesome receivers.

4) Tom Brady – Brandon Lloyd, Welker, Josh McDaniels, no running game, GRONK!!!! (Who is not only a beast but will be the leading fantasy player in fantasy team names). Hot wife. Nuff’ said.

5) Michael Vick – Remember last year with all the talk about how Vick was the 11th top rated RB in 2010 even if you didn’t count his passing yards and he should be the first player selected? Well DeSean Jackson mailed in 2011, Jeremy Maclin was sick with something horrible, and Vick had an off year, and now he’s not being mentioned? Vick is officially on my “Drafted a year too early and now the next year you won’t draft him but you will sit there and say, ‘SEE!!! SEE!!!’ As he reels off monster game after monster game,” list.

Sleeper – Felix Jones! Last year I drafted Jones as my RB 1. He was a bust…again. And this year I am putting him on the same list as Vick. Remember when Demarco Murray was healthy in college? Oh right. Well at least he was healthy in his rookie year…oops never mind. This is Jones’ year, because it’s the year after I said it would be his year and the fantasy gods hate me.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Weight just a minute!

I touched on this earlier, while Lindy still had months to go in her pregnancy but it is not like my eating habits have improved in the last 5 or 6 months so i am revisiting the weight gain.

So lets just get the ugly numbers out of the way....I am 5 foot 9inches tall, and at my best weigh 175'ish and at my worst (aka now) 235....when i met Lindy i was at my usual of 185-190 range and am comfortable yeah in 13 months i have gained 45 lbs FML!

I didnt feel too bad about it for most of the pregnancy because Lindy and I were at the same pace and then on May 25th at apx 11:50pm Lindy lost 25 lbs, however i did not. With Lindy breastfeeding she continues to lose weight and shape up and i continue working towards that more roundish shape and getting more and more tired as i do minimal exercise, walk up the stairs at work......get out of the car.

There have been a couple sporadic weeks where we will work out at home together but this vicious cycle of great food and minimal physical exertion is a pretty tough habit to break. It is hard to look over at my mint condition 25lb dumbbells and think "gee, i should go do some exercises with those" despite going on minimal sleep and losing my grip of insanity as i sit in a constant state of fear that Katie will start crying for no reason whatsoever.

I have had some great ideas that would really aid me in getting back to a respectable weight/healthiness level like ohhhhhhh i dunno eating less Jimmy Johns.....orrrrrrrr finding a new hiking trail to take Katie and Lindy to every week, but next thing i know its the weekend and I instead choose to put some more work into breaking in my spot on the couch.

Lindy and I just redid our budget and then we went apartment shopping and got into a place that is $100 cheaper than we budgeted for, so obviously we need to spend that on something and  im thinking its time to go back to the old faithful gym. It is so much easier to be held accountable by strangers' in the gym judgment than it is to hold myself accountable.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Woopsy Daisy!

I guess its been awhile. No real excuse to be honest just being neglectful of my faithful followers.

So obviously a lot of new stuff has happened in the last 5 weeks....lets just go for the rambling blog style isntead of a themed one

Lindy = mother of the year.....i mean holy shit! I thought i was going to be the stronger, more natural parent, but she is just awesome. Believe it or not i get frustrated after a few hours of on and off crying for no reason whatsoever, but Lindy just rolls with it and thats despite having to put up with it full time while i get 40 hours of break when i go to work.

Katie has been through a lot too. I wasnt going to write about this but....i left her in the car. The other day i went to get lunch and get out of the car, walk to the door of the Panera Bread, and go "holy shit i left my baby in the car!" No big deal except when you think about how close it was to a big deal. What if i dont remember at all? So yeah, i have revoked my right to take Katie out by myself until she is old enough to say "hey dumbass dont forget me"

Whichhhhhhhhh at the rate she is growing could be any day now. She is 10 weeks old and already doing stuff that (from what we have read) a lot of 3 - 4 month old babies dont do. She is talking back to us when we talk to her. She is grabbing toys and one time she rolled from her front to her back.....uhhh i dont know shes done some pretty cool stuff

Shes done some pretty scary stuff too....mainly quit breathing. We are taking her to the doctor tomorrow as a matter of fact. A few times she has woken up and went to gasp/cry/something awful and nothing and then she chokes and we freak out. One time we went to the ER, the other we handled it and this last time was a little bit longer of a choke so we called 911 and an ambulance came. From the research we have done it sounds like acid reflux, still its pretty fucking scary.

She was supposed to meet her biological grandma but my mom went fucking crazy again and it was really the last straw. Ill keep the dramatics out of this blog and just say that Katie is lucky to have as many people in her life that love her unconditionally as she does, so the dumbshit biological grandma will be easily replaced.

Here are some pics of Katie and then ill follow this blog up shortly and try to get into a habit of entries....

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

First Month.....

Wow so many thoughts to post about and obviously so little time. First things first, I never thought i could care this much about somebody/something ever. When she cries all i can think is "what can i do to make it better" and then i run around and try everything until she passes out from crying.

I cant imagine a better mom than Lindy is being. I mean she is on it and is a natural.

Now before i go any further, if you are a peer of mine considering trying to have a kid.....


I know, I know you hear it all the time "oh its so hard and so rewarding"....So far, first month, and really even the 10 months of pregnancy preceding this, not worth it, not even close. It is so hard to explain, like no doubt i love this kid and would do anything to make it better for her, lindy, and myself. At the same time I am having this fear that all those parents who say shit like "oh its so rewarding and worth it and i cant imagine life without kids" are just saying that to keep their sanity after making such a horrible decision.

Katie cries, sleeps, shits, and eats. When shes happy and content and not colicky i worry that shes dead. Literally i check her breathing at least 50x a day. I have had at least two instances where i convince myself shes not breathing and i pick her up and start patting her back and yelling out that shes not breathing until shes wide awake and throwing a fit.

Then when shes crying Lindy and I get on edge and run around like two crazies trying to calm her down.....

The financial side of it is ridiculously bad. 15 diapers a day, clothes, furniture....thank god were not using formula.....and all this for what? What am i getting out of this? I know, I know i keep hearing after 3 months it gets better etc etc and i really hope thats true, because the constant pressure of worrying about earning enough  money, calming her when shes irritable (which is like 80% of the day), and then worrying that shes dead when shes calm  the other 20% of the day is the opposite of rewarding.

Obviously i cant help but love Katie and shes pushing me to want to do better things for her and Lindy, but after my whole life wanting a huge family, i think this is it for us.....mayyyyyyyyyyyyybe one more but the scars of this catastrophe will have to fade first.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


This was Lindy's last stand as a pregnant chick and holy shit are we both glad its over. So yeah we had to get induced because Katie was just way too comfy to come out on her own. We woke up bright and early and called the triage to reserve our birthing room. It was a LONG day (14 hours of labor) and we were a bit upset about the way things went down with the hospital.

We had wanted things to be as natural as possible, and yes it is partly our fault that things were not natural since we decided to induce, but we still naively thought we could stick to the no epidural/no c section goals that we had. The main thing that really pissed lindy and me off was when Lindy was in a lot of pain (from the pitocin and labor) and got up to move around and the baby heart monitor moved so the baby heart rate wasnt registering on the machine. Two doctors come rushing in and instead of trying to assess the situation they start telling us that they are going to put this little thing into our baby's head that will more accurately measure her heart rate bla bla bla. Well i speak up and say no, her heart rate is weak b/c this thing moved, and i get the heart rate monitor repositioned and Katie's heart rate is fine. Then after 11 hours Lindy just cant take the pain anymore and opts for an epidural. When she is shifting around again the heart  rate monitor moves again and 3 doctors and 3 nurses burst in the room and do the same thing as before, except this time we were just too worn out to fight with them again. I dont really blame the doctors but i think its just a perfect example of why privatized medicine is not the way to go. Money has crept into the education of doctors and the way that we do everything and this is what were left with, great technology that should only really be used in extreme circumstances, but if we only buy this stuff for the extreme cases then thats not very profitable and the research could not be funded privately without the technology being even more ridiculously expensive.

*cliff notes...pitocin makes labor more painful and leads to epidurals, and doctors overreact to make the birthing experience a pretty shitty one*

Moving on.....Lindy pushed Katie out so fast it caught the doctors off guard and they had to rush to get everything set up. 20 minutes of pushing and Katie was born:

Right away i suspected we might be in luck. Katie came out, cried a couple time, and then when ridiculously calm. She was hungry right away and got weighed, measured, cleaned up, and fed and then we went up to our room. 

We were at the hospital for two days and things were way harder there but thank god for those nurses who taught us A LOT in a very short amount of time. 

Since weve been home we have really gotten the hang of the whole taking care of a newborn thing. Katie rarely cries and we have a nice sleep pattern set up. I am really shocked at how easy it has been so far. Although today she did have an incident where i was changing a wet diaper and par for the course Katie decided to shit, except this shit flew up and over her diaper and out onto the carpet about 3 was really disgusting, but im doing ok with the whole handling somebody else's shit thing. 

Here are some pictures to finish this quick update blog up
Future Degen

going home outfit

Friday, May 20, 2011

Worst blogging dad of the century right here

Its not that I have been too busy or anything, the reason that i havent been keeping up on this blog the worst baby dad blogger in the history of baby dad blogging. The last month of Lindy's pregnancy have been pretty uneventful....and Katie (yes it looks like i won the name spelling contest) has been boorrrrrrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnnggggggggg.

So in keeping with the pattern of me being the worst dad on the planet
except maybe this guy

I have decided to give Katie the never ending gift of being a cubs fan
Not just an outfit but also a bib, bottle, and pacifier all plastered in cubs gear. Not to mention that 50 games into the season Lindy is already asking me "OMG how much longer until we dont have to watch cubs games" and "do the cubs EVER win?" To which i have to give the answers "seasons almost over" and then explain that while the cubs do win some games, they havent won a world series in over 100 years. 

In baby news the last month has been pretty boring (ok the last 5 months) but today was my last day of work before my leave of absence so naturally i called out sick. At the doctors appointment the doctor told us Lindy is 3cm dilated.....which means absolutely nothing. But we are officially going to have a baby on or before May 25th because the 25th at 6am we will be going to the hospital and starting an induction.

*side note* for the love of god dont preach on this blog about "zomg you should have done it all natural" Just go ahead and keep that to yourself. We have done our research and every decision we make is informed and talked over with our doctor. *

So yeah, i pinky promise this blog will get better after Katie Taylor Davidson is here.

Adios for now

Sunday, April 17, 2011

One month between blog posts

and somehow i dont have much significant to some Katy pics (oh in regards to that Lindy is starting to lean Katie over Katy, but i told to wait, push the baby out, look her in her face and then decide)

so heres the pics....they kinda suck cuz the ultrasound machine wasnt as good as the one we previously went to

 this is katy/ie looking at us
and this is a profile shot

the other pics just get worse as far as quality goes. Lindy has been making a shit town of bows and ribbons things for Katie/y's head and matching them up and stuff. I think this is her version of nesting. Also we got a dresser for us and a dresser for Katie/y so yay real furniture. 

Uh yeah sorry this blog is sucking....hopefully i find stuff to write about when my boring as fetus daughter is real

See ya in another month or so